Lasting and Fading Hopes and Memories
by blackopalz21
Summary: I was a complete mess. My sister is dead, my mother committed suicide, and my father didn't even show up for the funerals. What was the point of living? There was no way to escape my darkness. But she was there. My only ray of hope. My rosette savior.


**Hey. So yeah, I came up with this, while in a depressed/unimaginative state of mind. All of I could think of was Shugo Chara and death. Funny, cause you wouldn't really imagine a Mahou Shoujo Series with death, huh? Ah, screw it, enough rambling. Enjoy.**

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"Ikuto," A male voice called out to me, "she's gone now."

I shook my head and continued to kneel at the grave. The piercing sunlight shone down on me, mocking me with its beautiful weather that day. Everyone had left the funeral already, and I was the only one left.

At least, that's what I wanted. Sadly, he was still there with me. The man sighed and gripped my shoulder.

"There's nothing you can do. Let's go back." He said as his voice cracked. My mind clouded up again for the umpteenth time today. He knew that I was down, and was trying to console me. I was just making his job harder. He loved her too, I know this. But she was different for me.

"Leave me be," I growled and smacked his hand away, "You don't understand. She was my sister."

The man put his hand back at his side and stood firm. He pulled me upward and shook me hard by the shoulder.

"And she was my girlfriend, Ikuto. This is hard for all of us." He said with a distressed look. I pushed him away.

"You don't understand, Kukai! You'd never understand with that slow-witted brain of yours!" I shouted at him. I didn't really mean to say that, but I was mad. I could not accept the fact that she really was gone from this world. At my remark, the man looked at me with hurt eyes and stared.

"You're right, maybe I don't understand at all." Kukai said as he stepped forward towards me again. "But I can try to." He gripped my shoulder and continued to stare at me with his olive colored eyes. I shook him off and looked back at the grave inscriptions.

**Erected in loving memory of:**

**Tsukiyomi Hoshina Utau**

"What the hell is your problem? I can't be upset over the death of my little sister?" I asked with my rage seething through my words. Kukai shook his head and crossed his arms.

"You're not upset, you're depressed, Ikuto." He corrected me. He was right, I really was depressed. I looked at the grave and let myself cry. Kukai came up to me and patted my shoulder. I continued to cry silently. I wished it was raining, so that my tears would be camouflaged with the rain. But it was still the same picture perfect weather as always. I stopped crying and followed Kukai to his car. He drove my home to my apartment and left. I walked inside and locked the front door, then dumped my keys on the coffee table and went up the stairs. I went inside my room and locked the door, dumping my suit jacket on the floor near the closet. I sat on the bed and put my head in my hands. She really is gone, now. I have to accept that, but it still hurts. I lay down on the bed and remembered some of my precious memories.

* * *

"_Onii-tan! Onii-tan! Can you please play your violin again?" A small blond boy of three years asked me. I sighed and patted his head gently. _

"_Once is enough for me, Tadase." I said as I walked off into the garden. I sat down against a tree and stared up at the sky. The little boy followed me and sat in my lap. He smiled wide at me and leaned back onto me. _

"_Onii-tan, I see a dog in the clouds!" He cried happily as he pointed to the sky. I smiled and put my hands behind my head._

"_I see a flower," I said, playing along with Tadase, "A really pretty flower." Tadase gasped as he claimed he saw it as well. A girl appeared from the bushes and crossed her arms at the both of us. _

"_Why does Tadase get to be so close to you?" She whined as her jealous purple eyes glared at the little boy. The small boy ignored it and grinned at the girl. _

"_U…Ut…Uta!" He said with joy as he believed he got her name right. She frowned and tossed one of her blond pigtails off her shoulder._

"_It's 'Utau', not 'Uta'," She said with a huff, "How many times do I have to tell you?" I held Tadase a bit closer, afraid that Utau might pry him off again. _

"_Tadase gets to stay close to me because he doesn't try to attack me with hugs and kisses." I replied with a blank face at my sister. She folded her hands and put them next to her face, smiling at me._

"_That's because I love you, Ikuto!" She said with a light blush on her cheeks. I rolled my eyes at her and sighed. _

"_We're siblings, Utau," I said as I stared at her, hoping she would get the message, "Siblings." _

"_So?" She asked with genuine confusion. I mentally smacked my forehead and sighed. I gently placed Tadase on the grass beside me and got up. I leaned against the tree and looked down at my six year old sister. _

"_It's bad to fall in love with your brother, Utau." I said as I closed my eyes enjoying the warm sunlight on my face. I felt a yank on my shorts and look down to see Tadase pulling on them._

"_Onii-tan," He asked with watery eyes, "Is it bad for me to love Onii-tan?" He asked as his tears became bigger with each word. I patted his head and closed my eyes again. _

"_You have to decide that by yourself, Tadase." I said to the boy looking up at me. He stared at me before breaking out into a wide smile. _

"_I love Onii-tan, and Uta-chan!" He exclaimed happily, "I'll always love you!" _

_Both Utau and I exchanged looks and smiled at the little boy. Utau crossed her arms and frowned again at Tadase. _

"_If you want me to love you too, you have to get my name right!" She yelled at him, making me laugh lightly. Tadase got up and walked up to Utau. He hit her lightly and ran off._

"_You're it, Uta-chan!" He cried as he disappeared into the bushes. I looked back at her and notice the evil glint in her eyes. _

"_I'm it, huh?" She asked herself, smirking at me. I turned my body and ran into the bushes to hide myself. I reached a tree and climb it without Utau noticing where I was. I yawned as I leaned against the tree for support and slept._

* * *

"_I wanna go see Mom." Utau said between sobs and she sat crying on a couch in the hospital. I knelt down in front of her and placed my hand on her shoulder._

"_Utau, don't cry. If you cry, everyone will pity us." I said as I glanced at the doctor and nurse staring right at us, whispering. She stopped crying for a moment and stared at me. _

"_What's 'pity'?" She asked as tears built in her eyes. I gripped her shoulder and looked straight at her. _

"_It means that they'll feel sorry for us." I explained carefully to her. Utau's tears flowed as she went back to crying again._

"_Is that a bad thing?" She sniffled as she accepted the tissue I took from my pocket. I was speechless as I lowered my head. I had no answer to that one question she had asked me. I got up and sat next to Utau, grabbing her hand and holding it tightly as we sat in silence._

* * *

_I stood in front of a large gate and gripped my violin case tightly. Utau stared at the gate looking frightened by just standing in front of it. She reached for my hand and squeezed it. _

"_I don't wanna go in," She said as she looked back at the road, "I wanna go home with Mom." I let go of her hand and reached for the handle on the gate. _

"_I don't want to go in either, but we have to." I said as I felt the cool metal against my sweaty palm. I pushed the gate aside and walked through the garden with Utau close behind. I didn't get to the door before I was tackled into a hug by a small figure. _

"_Onii-tan, you're back again!" Tadase cried as he clung to my shorts and smiled at me. I pulled away from him and patted his head as he beamed up at me. A woman with light brown hair walked up to us and smiled at the three of us. _

"_Ikuto, Utau, welcome back." She said with a smile. It was completely fake, but Tadase didn't notice at all. He ran up to his mother and hugged her skirt._

"_Mommy, are Onii-tan and Uta-chan staying here for a sleep over?" He asked with anticipation in his high pitched voice. She smiled at him and held her arms around him._

"_Ikuto-kun and Utau-chan will be staying here for a while, Tadase. Treat them well, okay? The poor things, it's so pitiful for them." She said with a sad face at the two of us. Utau grabbed my hand again and squeezed it for the fifth time today. I squeezed back, knowing exactly what she was afraid of. I closed my eyes and blocked out all of the words directed at me. I focused on a single thought in my blank mind. _

_**Don't pity me.**_

* * *

I sat up from the bed and sighed, putting my head into my hands. I looked at my phone and saw that I had missed a call from Mom. She called twice while I was reminiscing, and I apparently didn't notice. I was about to call her back when I got a call from Kukai.

"What do you want?" I asked the man with annoyance in my voice. I noticed my voice was cracking because I had cried earlier. He hesitated over the phone and his voice shook.

"Y-you had better come to your M-mom's house…Uh, I had gotten a call from her and well…. You'd had better see for yourself." He said as he hung up. I called a taxi and had the driver go to my mother's house. The feeling of dread kept rising in my system as we drove in silence to my mother's. When I got out, I noticed police cars parked outside and an ambulance waiting with them. I rushed into the house and saw Kukai talking with a police officer. He noticed me come in and walked towards me. He placed a hand on my shoulder and looked at me with slightly red eyes.

"Do you want to see her?" He asked as my feeling of dread shot up like a bullet. I nodded and followed him into the kitchen. I gasped at the sight and fell to my knees, hands at my eyes trying to stop my uncontrollable tears from falling out.

Mom was hanging from a rope tied around her neck from the ceiling fan.

I continued to cry and I felt someone place a hand on my shoulder. I knew it was Kukai, because all of the police officers stepped away when I came to the house. I ended up bowed down low on the tiled floor crying my eyes out. Kukai pulled me up and handed me a letter.

"She wrote it before she…" He trailed off, not wanting to finish the sentence. I took the letter and opened it carefully. It had a note inside, folded into a little square. I glanced over the note and cried softly again. I shoved the note into my pocket and walked into the living room. I strode out of the house and sensed that Kukai was still following me. He grabbed my hand and pulled me backwards.

"We have to go." He said as he released my hand. I stared at him and gave him my best look of questioning whether he was sane of not.

"Go where?" I asked, trying to humor my friend and I rubbed my read eyes. He shook his head and walked ahead of me, swinging his car keys.

"Go back to Japan, of course." He answered as if it were the simplest thing in the world. Unknown to him or myself, going back to Japan was just the thing I needed to show me that there is more to life than just darkness and despair. Because she would be there, the only shining light in the foul darkness that consumes me; the rose pink light that would lead me back to finding my true self.

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**Review please! By the way, check my profile, if you would be so kind to? I want all of you guys to look at the sentences underneath the two quotes. If you don't want to; I'll restate it. **

**I'm going on Hiatus so I can study for final exams. I'll be back to update June 8****th**** on my current stories. **

**Review!**


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